Some things change and others stay the same

It is the same table with just a little different pattern on the umbrella and the two sweet little faces. I can hardly believe that it is been just two weeks short of 6 years since we first put this table in our back yard but it has. The NM and AZ sun wore out the first umbrella but fortunately a new one was easy to order and Allison and Johnathan are just as excited as Charlie and Zachary were when they first sat in that shade :)

5 for real

Up until now I really had about 4.5 kids. Lia doesn’t require the coins at Chuck E Cheese, admission at the museum or her own meal at a restaurant. Last night, I pulled out 4 bowls for ice cream, like usual, but when I started handing them out something changed. Lia caught on to the whole thing and started bouncing around the kitchen like a pin ball with her hands out. She ended up by me, arms up, screeching, “mom”, over and over. “Mom” is Lia’s first and only word. If you picture her saying it like a sweet 15 mo. old baby girl, you would be wrong. It is more like a NJ housewife, loud and screechy :) I got one more bowl out and I now officially have five whole kids ;)

View from my desk

Working from home has its perks

Is anyone hiring?

I have heard all the cliches, we all have. Life is short. Don't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff. Focus on the positive. Don't worry be happy. Ugh. I realize that cliches are cliches because they ring true, but some days it does not feel like it.

Here we sit in front of our computers again trying to will something to happen. My email is set up on automatic send and receive and yet I hit that button just trying to make something come in. I have become a pro at searching all the right sites and have seen almost everything there is to be seen and still we sit here. It is starting to feel like we have fallen into a black whole were no communication exists. That must be it, otherwise we are in big trouble.

I am healthy, we are all healthy. We have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. Last week we even went to the dentist, that is not just surviving. Right? I see the commercials of the poor children with Aids in Africa and in that moment I know we are doing so much better than so many others. I take a deep breath and feel lucky. Then, just moments later, I feel the heaviness again and none of this feels like small stuff.

I honestly believe that money is just money and in the end it does not matter. Still, I see those balances and get those bills and wonder what we will do. What else can we cut off? What else can we do without? We are not suffering in this beautiful house with all its luxuries. It is an illusion. Just covering the bills, just making the rent. How many trinkets can we auction off to pay for our lives?

Every morning I have hope. Hope for that call, that email. All day I busy myself with life's little jobs, full of hope. Each night I lay in bed with the worry that tomorrow will be the same as today and another month will pass. Again I go through the cliches. It will all work out. When one door closes another opens. It is all as it should be. Small stuff. Small stuff. Small stuff.

To know me is to hear me talk.....

I am a talker. I have lots of things to say and anyone that knows me has heard a lot of them. When I was in labor with my first son, I did not stop talking even during contractions. Ask my friend, Kristen. I have had a lot of people comment on my talking or make little jokes about it over the years, but it rarely bothers me. I don't just talk in detail, I think, listen, and remember in detail too. If you have told me something, chances are I remember it. In fact, if you have told me something several times and change little parts of your story each time, I probably remember what the changes are and where we were for each variation. This serves me well when disagreeing with my husband, but in all honesty, I don't have to remember much in those cases because I am doing most of the talking then too. I have found that most people think there are talkers and there are listeners, but I don't think they are mutually exclusive. I am a good talker but an equally good listener (if you can get a word in).
There are a few things that you should know about talkers that may serve you well in the future. We are completely comfortable with silence when we are alone, but not if there are other people around. My husband, who is not a talker, thinks that just being in the same place is being connected. I don't agree and believe that we have to converse and "catch up" to really be connected. In social settings, talkers are ready and able to fill any gap in conversation so if you don't feel like talking or listening, do not stand near a talker. We will say something. If you are talking, don't be offended if we cut in. You probably took a breath or a sip of your drink and we thought you were done. Although we know we are talkers we don't necessarily think we talk as much as other talkers. For instance, I come from a long line of talkers. My mom and dad both talk a lot but if you ask them about it they will guarantee that they don't talk as much as the other. My family talks so much (with the exception of my sister) that my husband once joked that he married the wrong sister. Don't worry about my feelings. This comment provided hours of extra fun talking.
If you wish to be able to talk to a talker, there are several tactics to be used in accomplishing this feat. When starting a conversation, do not ever ask a talker, “How are you?”, “What’s new?”, or “What are you up to?” Talkers will always have an answer and our answers will have tangents. You must get right to business and let us know that you have something you need to say. My friends each use different tactics on me. One talks over me knowing that I won't tandem talk and will stop first. Another simply states boldly that it is her turn and I must listen now. This is also affective. Unfortunately, my oldest and dearest friend still patiently waits her turn and on many occasions, we part ways without my hearing what is going on with her. That reminds me; I should call her!
The biggest misconception about talkers is that we think what we have to say is more important than what you have to say. Hence, the saying, "She just talks to hear her own voice.” This could not be farther from the truth. Talkers are actually relating to you by drawing connections from your life to ours and sharing. In truth, we think we are being rude if we don’t talk to you. It is also impossible for us not to be talkers. In fact, we are just as perplexed by your ability to answer a question in 15seconds as you are by our taking 15 minutes. None of my friends are talkers and I love them for their insistence that I am different from other talkers because I listen to them. …see, I was listening!
So, next time you are talking to a talker and she looks like she’s not listening but thinking of what she’s going to say next, please don’t take it personally. Talkers are thinking of what they are going to say next while they are talking too!

This is dedicated to all those single ladies that wonder if they are missing out......

You wake up in the morning to the sound of your 6yr old cheering about the money the tooth fairy left under his pillow. You have no time to enjoy this because all it does is remind you that you left that darn tooth on the couch and you are about to be found out, so you run. In leaving so quickly, you neglect to turn off the alarm and you have to sprint back to shut off the damn beeping before the baby wakes up. You get the two kiddos dressed, fed and out the door but just as you are dropping them off you realize that yellow teeth are more of a reflection on you than them and you wish you would have remembered to brush their teeth this morning. Back home and you really need to get your work done. You get your coffee and get started but then the baby needs a diaper and food and the 2yr old has hidden in the laundry to have some bathroom privacy and this causes a huge delay in your progress. You run to the bathroom to get a towel when you see your reflection and...well...moving on. You need a shower really badly but you must get your work done before the a.m. preschool pickup times comes around. Now you get everyone dressed, dash to pickup, and head to the park for a classmate's birthday party. You have bought a gift and are taking the time to go when your child announces that the birthday girl is not his friend, great. You get to the party and although there are a couple of fun girls to chat with, chatting is not easy due to the constant interruption of checking on multiple children to see if one has left the park to join a new family. While there, you realize that you are having to ignore the icy stares of strange women who seem to be quite judgy. You decide you don't care because they have plucked their eyebrows too thin and have way overprocessed hair..ha. Party is over and thank goodness the cake was chocolate and the pizza had sausage because you avoided eating the kids leftovers for lunch. You head home and are grateful that the baby is asleep and it is the 2yr old's nap time..you will get your work done. You start working and are making good progress when you start feeling light headed and whoozy. That is when you remember that you did not eat breakfast or lunch and in fact your full cup of coffee is still sitting on the counter from the morning. Now you are feeling grateful that your husband got laid off because he has time to make you a sandwich while you finally finish up your work. Dear hubby heads out to the post office but you are left with three kiddos and one to pick up from school and the 2 yr old is still sleeping. You cram everyone in the van, including groggy toddler, and head up to the school to pick up your eldest. You realize that your hair is 100% worse now than it was this morning and it was bad this morning so you throw on your sunglasses because somehow you wearing sunglasses makes it harder for other people to detect your dirty hair. Your home and now you accomplish something that does not happen most days. Your three boys pick up the house quickly without complaint the first time you ask...wow. What skill have you mastered? Well, bribery...they will do anything for a little bag of chips. So now it is 3pm and then it is 4:30 and what happened in that time...mysteriously there is no memory and you wonder what you could have gotten done had you not been doing whatever it was you were doing!! The yelling starts and the two oldest boys are correcting your two year old so you march in to stand up for that cutey when you see your bathroom walls decorated with stripper red lipstick that you did not know you owned. Ahhh, you are so relieved because you did not want to relax, read, watch tv, eat, or any other such thing and the mess has given you purpose to your life. You get windex and papertowels and sit down on the floor to clean. You are going to use this as a learning opportunity so you give the 2yr old his own papertowel to clean his own mess. Aren't you clever...turns out that this is a giant reward and the only thing better than smeering the lipstick in the first place is getting to wipe it off with mom. 30 minutes later you are high on fumes and your eyes are bleery enough that you can't tell if the walls are still messed up or if they had that pink hew to begin with. Oh shit, time for dinner and you have no ideas. Is it really bad to give everyone cereal, again? The day is wrapping up and maybe just maybe if you get their yellow teeth white and your dirty hair clean it will all be a success. Here you are Living the Dream.